What happens when Wario comes to the SSB
by Crazy Squee
Summary: the title says it all R&R edited for content


Hey, this is my first fic so please R&R. Constructive criticism only please, and no flames!  
  
Disclaimer: Super Smash Brothers and all related titles, characters etc. are copyrighted by the good people of Nintendo who work really hard to bring you some of the best games on the planet. And anyways, why do you think it's called a fan fic?  
  
What happened When Wario comes to SSBM  
  
******Prologue******  
  
Hello. It's-a me, Mario. You all-a know-a Wario, yes? Well-a, I'll bet-a you didn't know-a what-a happened when Wario tried to-a become-a a Super-a Smash-a Brudder, aah? Well I'll-a tell-a you-a. First-a though, I'll-a lose-a the Italian accent-a aah? Much-a better. There. No more accent.  
  
******Chapter One: The Application******  
  
It all began 2 months before the scheduled release of Super Smash Bros. Melee. Nintendo was still taking applications for fighters so, as expected, applicants were coming in by the barrelful, some stopping by for the required interview.  
  
"WHAT?!?" Kazooie yelled at the top of her lungs. "Whaddya mean I'm not cut out to be a Smash Brother?! I can peck everyone's eyes out! And this sack of fur and meat is useful to take hits for me, and the oaf can pack a punch when he needs to!"  
  
"I'm sorry," the interviewer told her. "But we're looking for characters that have solo games, or at least the apparent star of the game. And no, you don't count. Because you live in a backpack constantly carried by a bear, it would be an unfair advantage for you."  
  
"The Ice Climbers are two separate people, and you let them in!" Kazooie screamed, though not as loud as before.  
  
"They function as a unit, one being. They are all about teamwork, and they don't call each other 'oafs'." Kazooie shrieked again as Banjo walked out of the room, all the while flailing her wings and shouting out threats.  
  
"Next please."  
  
"It's-ah me, Wario! I'm-a gonna ween!" Wario stepped in, somewhat short but heavily built enough to play football effectively.  
  
"Ah, it's about time someone serious came into this office!" the interviewer exclaimed. "My last interviewee needs a trip to the psychiatric ward. And a psychiatrist visit."  
  
"Let's get down to busyness, aah?" Wario said impatiently.  
  
"Alright. First question." The interviewer crossed her legs and pulled out her clipboard and a pen. "Would you consider yourself an intelligent person?"  
  
"Who in the what now?" Wario asked.  
  
"Uh-huh." Next question. "How long is your general attention span?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Right." (scribbles on clipboard) "Ok. How much do you hate others?"  
  
"I could just choke them to death over and over and over…" (chokes imaginary neck)  
  
"Hmm." (scribble) "Last question. How much do you think you should get paid for beating people up?"  
  
"How much you got?"  
  
"Yup, just as I thought," (scribble) "Wario, you got a perfect score for this part of your application. Now all you have to do is show us your fighting techniques and what you have to give to this already really really good game. Here are your papers, just give them to the attendant outside." She explained.  
  
"I just-a need to know when-a and where." Wario replied.  
  
"The attendant will tell you." She told him. Wario exited the room and gave the papers to the attendant in the waiting room.  
  
"We'll let you know when you should come back. It'll be 6-8 weeks from now." The attendant explained. Wario went home and waited for the reply.  
  
*****6-8 weeks later*****  
  
Wario received the reply, and it said that he must come to SSB HQ for the final test. If he passed, he'd become a Smash Brother. Little did he know that it was a very hard test to pass.  
  
******Chapter Two: The Test******  
  
*****@ SSB HQ*****  
  
"Alright I'm here." Yelled Wario in the waiting room.  
  
"Ah, Mr. Wario—" the attendant started.  
  
"That's SIR Wario to you, peasant!" Wario commanded.  
  
"Anyway, we've been waiting for you. Please, just follow this hall and the attendants there will help you out." The attendant finished.  
  
"'Bout time I got some respect around here!" Wario exclaimed in his scratchy yet intimidating voice. He noticed no one was in the waiting room. It was a day or two before the release of the game so it was no wonder.  
  
Wario proceeded down the hall and was surprised to see several of the current smash brothers.  
  
"Hey," they all said in unison.  
  
"Pi!" Pikachu and Pichu said. Stupid rats, Wario thought.  
  
"So what am I here for?" Wario asked.  
  
"WE are gonna test out your fighting skillz!" Captain Falcon informed him.  
  
"Pika! Pi!" Pikachu screeched. It would be really fun to take out this annoying mouse, Wario thought to himself.  
  
"Alright, Pichu will be your first opponent, Wario." An attendant from nowhere said. "This way please." He walked off in the direction of a mirror-like contraption. He pushed a button, and after a small shockwave, it began to ripple as if it were water. Pichu walked up to it and through it until there was no more tiny rat in the room.  
  
"Through there?!?" Wario said in disbelief.  
  
"Yup." The attendant answered. Wario stepped through, and suddenly appeared in the middle of the Kanto Pokemon Stadium. Pichu appeared on a platform across from Wario.  
  
"This is a one stock match, with no time limit." A voice boomed from nowhere and everywhere. "GO!!"  
  
"Let's get it on, rat!" Wario taunted. The mouse hurled itself at Wario, only to fly into the air by Wario's massive punch. This was going to be easy. Pichu landed back onto its starting platform and prepared for another attack. Wario was quick, though, and landed next to Pichu. Pichu had only time to head butt Wario once before it was sent back in the air by another punch. Pichu didn't get back from that one.  
  
"What? That's it?" Wario asked no one.  
  
"GAME!!" the voice came back. In an instant, Wario was back in the room full of Brothers.  
  
"Nice one, man!" Capt. Falcon shouted from the other side of a room. They had obviously been watching a television. Must've been the match.  
  
"And your next opponent is Link!" the attendant informed Wario.  
  
"Let's go, little man," Link taunted. The mirrors went all wavy again.  
  
"I think you need a lesson in old-school. And I'm the perfect teacher!" Wario responded.  
  
"Let's see if you can back that up!" Link continued.  
  
"Break it up already!" Ganondorf got between the two. "Whaddya think the arena's for? And I'll beat you later, Link."  
  
"Bring it on, you old geezer." Link shot back.  
  
"AAAAAHHHH!" Ganon shot a Warlock Punch directly at Link's sternum. Link flew across the room and hit the wall with a loud THUD.  
  
"Oops." Ganon said.  
  
"Look at the pretty Cuccos," Link said, in a daze.  
  
"Well then," the attendant said with a disappointed face. "So much for Link. Ganon, you'll have to take his place. In the meanwhile, someone get Link a Heart Container!"  
  
"Hmm…" Wario analyzed Ganondorf. "You might actually be some sport."  
  
"We'll see who the sport is." Ganon replied. They both entered the portal. This time it was the land of Termina. Ganon and Wario appeared on the same main platform of the arena.  
  
"This is a one stock match, with no time limit." The same voice. "GO!!"  
  
Ganon was on top of Wario with kicks and punches barely after the match started. Wario was at about 27% before he flew out of Ganon's reach and had a chance to regroup.  
  
"What's the matter, Shorty?" Ganon asked in a mocking tone. "You had no problem with the rat!"  
  
"What are you saying?" Wario asked, in a similar voice. "That the mouse has beaten you?"  
  
"HRRMMM!" Ganon shouted in anger. He went for the Warlock Punch, but Wario was too quick for him. Wario managed a shoulder ram on Ganondorf, but he was too heavy to be moved much. Ganondorf returned with a Gerudo Dragon, sending Wario flying high, aflame with purple energy. Wario came back down and answered with a boot to the top of Ganon's head. Wario jumped over Ganon and kicked him with a colossal kick.  
  
"GAAH!" Ganon yelled as he flew straight over the turtle and into the water.  
  
"GAME!!" Wario came back to the room, and once again his opponent was no where in sight. The portal lost its ripple and returned to its smooth state.  
  
******Chapter Three: The Final Fight******  
  
"HA! That was easy!" Wario yelled triumphantly.  
  
"Nice work, Wario." Captain Falcon told him. "I think that's the first time anyone has beaten Ganondorf in a single shot."  
  
Another attendant appeared and exchanged whispers and glances with the one already there. After a minute, the first spoke.  
  
"One more fight, Wario." He said. "Just enter the portal and your opponent will be there. Trust me, this fight will be much harder than the previous two." He smiled slyly, and handed Wario a Maxim Tomato. Wario gobbled it down eagerly. He flexed his muscles as his strength returned to full.  
  
"Much better." Wario said. He walked through the portal, anxiously awaiting his next fight.  
  
This time he was in some sort of perpetual portal. The arena was one big platform, and the background kept changing-as if it were a portal itself.  
  
"I'm-a gonna ween!" Wario said triumphantly, as if he'd already won. "So who's my opponent?"  
  
"I am…" a mysterious voice came from nowhere. "You will be defeated… None can defeat me…"  
  
"No one's beaten you yet? HA! What a joke!" Wario taunted.  
  
"This is a one stock match with no time limit." Boomed the normal voice. "GO!!"  
  
Wario began to panic. How could he defeat his opponent if he didn't know where it was?  
  
"Come out, come out wherever you are!" Wario taunted, his voice beginning to shake.  
  
"I am here…" the voice hissed. "I am nowhere, yet I am everywhere…"  
  
Suddenly a shape began to form in front of Wario. It looked like…himself!  
  
"I know your weaknesses…" the voice came from the creature. "And I will exploit them!" He lunged at Wario, just as he took full shape. He looked like Wario, only he was completely black and mostly devoid of distinctive features.  
  
"Bring it on!" Wario yelled and lunged for a counter attack. "HIYAHHHH!" Wario went for the same punch that won him his first match. He would've nailed his shadowy counterpart, if it hadn't disappeared to nothingness.  
  
"Ugh! Where'd you go?" Wario shouted impatiently. He waited a moment.  
  
"You can't see me…" He started again. "You cannot defeat that which you cannot see. You will be defeated…"  
  
Once the voice had ceased, Wario instinctively threw a back kick and hit his opponent right in the kisser-if he had one.  
  
"UGH!" the shadow grunted, but dissipated again before he was eliminated. "Insolent fool! You defy me?!?" The voice turned to a very angry tone. Wario began to break a sweat because of the anticipation. He didn't know when or where his opponent would strike next.  
  
"Gotcha!" Wario threw a punch at seemingly empty space, but by the time the punch landed, his counterpart appeared again. This time, though, the Shadow Wario threw a punch at the exact same time and hit Wario directly in the face. They both flew in opposite directions. Wario, however, managed to jump back to the platform. His opponent was no where in sight.  
  
"Argh, I'm getting nowhere fast!" Wario muttered to himself.  
  
"BOO!" yelled the impersonator, appearing behind Wario, enough to get him in a bearhug grab.  
  
"Uff!" went Wario. He couldn't move his arms at all. His legs managed to carry them both to the middle of the platform. Wario didn't know what to do. Out of nowhere, a Bob-omb appeared above the two adversaries, and exploded when it came withing range of the both of them. They both flew headlong in opposite directions again, but this time Wario wouldn't be able to make it. His only chance was that his opponent would fly faster…  
  
******Chapter Four: The Verdict******  
  
"Great job, Wario!" was the first thing Wario heard once he was back. He couldn't identify who said it though.  
  
"We have some good news, Wario," one of the attendants started. "And we have some bad news."  
  
"Well?" Wario asked after about a minute. The anticipation was killing him.  
  
"The good news is, that you defeated a stronger, smarter and faster version of yourself." He started. "The bad news is, that you're not what we're looking for in a Smash Brother."  
  
"WHAT?!?!?" Wario yelled. "How could I not get in?!? I defeated the heaviest guy here on my first try!"  
  
"That's exactly why you're not what we're looking for in a Brother. You're much too strong for a Smash Brother. We need more well-rounded Nintendo characters." He explained. By now Wario's face was turning red. Steam from his nose and ears came next.  
  
"Umm, maybe you should leave before you do anything rash, or something you'll regret later, yes?" the other attendant suggested. Wario was in no mood to be toyed with. He looked like he was about to explode. And not verbally. More like a volcano. Both of the attendants raced to get him some water.  
  
"Dude, chill out. Not everyone has what it takes." Link told Wario, fully healed now.  
  
"Don't…tell…me…to…CHILL!!!!" Wario exploded, throwing a punch at Link, one that could knock down the entire building.  
  
"Oh dear," Link said just before the punch landed square on his nose. He flew across the room again, flying a clear path as the other Brothers moved out of the way, but this time went through the wall, and screamed all the way down-it was about 50 stories high. He'd be fine.  
  
******Epilogue******  
  
Well, that's about it-a. Rats. It-a came back-a. You-a must be wondering how-a I know this aah? Well, I didn't mention-a that I was in the crowd of-a fighters for-a Wario. Well-a then, that's it for-a Mario's Master-a Piece Theater! Bye bye!  
  
  
  
END 


End file.
